Cant Say
Bullying Survivor
Male | London, England   United Kingdom
everyone deserves better
Bullying Type: Physical / Emotional
Posted By: TheBoyUser Verified
3/29/14 7:30 PM
2.5 star rating
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I was very short for my age and not particularly socially adept. I don't know quite when it started but at some point the group of people that I thought were my friends started to constantly make fun of me. It started fairly innocuously at first with name calling and pushing but soon it escalated.

They would spit on my back when I walked in front of them and would always say horrible things in lessons and threaten to get me after school. One of them beat me up in the changing rooms after a PE lesson because I stopped him from scoring a goal. Another used to repeatedly hit me on the head with a wooden plank in Design Tech.

They would often try to "post" me at break times. This involved chasing me around the school and then carrying me to a tree after they caught me. They would then hold me legs either side of the tree and ram my groin into the trunk before dropping me on the floor.

My house was the street next to our school so I started going home at breaks and lunch to avoid them. I lost count of the number of times a group of them showed up at my house and spent the whole break time banging on the door and shouting abuse through the letter box. I would sit on the floor on the landing because sometimes they would climb over our garden gate and bang on the windows at the back.

Once when we went to the park at lunch they pushed me onto a roundabout and kept spinning it while throwing stones at me. They only stopped when I was sick.

I became withdrawn and would speak really quietly (to not draw attention to myself I suppose). I always used to walk at the back of groups and would hate (still do actually) to have anyone walking behind me.

In total the bullying went on for three years. It only stopped when half of them left school.

I hated my life and I hated myself for being weak and letting them get away with it all. I look back now and it still makes me short of breath and anxious just to think about those times. I am now a happily married man with his own business and an awesome young son but I am still scarred by what happened and struggle to find a way to rationalize it. I try and tell myself that without those experiences I would not be the man I am now (which is true) but I still wonder whether I would have been happier, more confident, etc if it had not happened.

I still fantasize about how I would deal with those situations better now (although I'm not sure I would). And I still struggle with the fact that most of the people that bullied me are on facebook, friends of friends, with children of their own. It really pisses me off that I think about all the shit that they put me through and they probably never think about what they did. Part of me wishes that their family knew all the horrible things they did.

But then I take a deep breath and realize that they were just stupid kids. That they probably had their own shit to deal with at the time and it is not my place to judge them. I can be angry sure but where does that get me? So I resign myself to try and take all of the pain and fear that they caused and channel it into being a better friend, a better husband and a better father.

I know how hard it is being bullied and how difficult it is to see an end to it. But it does end. It can end if you speak up, it can end when you make new friends, and it can end (as in my case) when school ends. And you grow to be a different person with different (better) relationships. I can't say it suddenly stops hurting (although I'll let you know if it ever does for me) but I can say that eventually things improve. And until that time, just remember that you are not alone and that you deserve better.



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Comments
Posted By: Kentucky | 4/03/14 11:51 AM
How did your teachers not protect you when several kids would pick you up and slam you into a tree? That seems a little much for school yard bullying and teachers should be more present
Story Details
Name: Cant Say
Age: N/A
Country: United Kingdom
Location: London, England
Gender: Male
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