Kitty Commando
Bullying Survivor
Male | Rocky Point, NY   United States
Home Bullying to Stand Up Comedian
Bullying Type: Physical / Emotional
Twitter @kittycommando

Posted By: KittyCommandoUser Verified
5/20/13 10:41 PM
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My bullying didn't occur at school... it occurred at home. Life was not easy before living with my Aunt and Uncle. My father was addicted to drugs and my mother and step father passed away when I was 11. From then on I lived with my Aunt, Uncle, and their three children.

They had a very loving family. My uncle worked as a mechanic at an airport. My aunt as a lunch aid for a middle school. Their parents loved them very much. For some reason this love wasn't shared with me.

My uncle was nice to me. Nice in the sense that he didn't speak to me very much. I can only remember 2 conversations I had with the man, that started by me asking a stupid question just for someone nice to talk to. One question was "If an ambulance is going to an accident, then sees another accident along the way, what do they do?" It was a stupid question, but he was nice enough to acknowledge it with a response.

I believe he thought I was a trouble maker because I was always having issues with my aunt. My aunt was extremely nice in the beginning. Somewhere along the first year it was all gone. Before I knew it I was constantly getting yelled at. I was constantly referred to as "Stoonad", "The Brain Child", or "Mental Moron".

Scolding's were unavoidable. She would tell me to take out the garbage every night before I go to bed. When I would walk to the garage, without being told, she would see me and say "not now stupid". If I forgot, It would be a long lecture on how I am unable to function as a person and that there may be something wrong with me. My best option was to wait till she was snoring on the couch to sneak out the garbage.

Food was my other issue. I had 2 chances for food; breakfast and dinner. There were no seconds. Cereal for breakfast and what ever was put on my plate for dinner. Which don't get me wrong, were not scraps! Delicious meals that I would want seconds of but could not handle the looks I would get from her if I did reach for more. This left me hungry most nights, which lead me to go to the bathroom some time during the night to drink as much water from the facet as I can in order to fill my stomach.

After some time, the verbal anger I experienced would turn physical. From slaps to the back of the head to choking, and in one instance punched in my mouth, chipping a tooth. She didn't hide it from the other children. They seemed to find it quite amusing. "Sean's getting in trouble again". They were just children though.

My escape was at school. Where some kids knew my situation, and others didn't. Either way the kids at school were mostly nice to me. Even many of the popular kids where people I said hi to in the hallways. I just couldn't fully express myself because along with my friends... where my aunt's children who would report anything I did in school if it would get them out of trouble. I learned to be a shut in at school as well to avoid such incidents.

From 12 - 18 years old I spoke as little as possible unless it was necessary. Visiting other family members houses were great because she couldn't say a word to me. As long as I did not look her in the face, my other families houses were a safe haven.

During those 6 years I spent time while my family was out of the house listening to music and watching stand up comedy. Music told me that I wasn't alone. That there were band members that had the same life. Stand up comedy though... that was something that brought a smile on my face. It gave me a way out of the emotional and physical hell I was going through. My favorites at the time were Dave Attel, Carlos Mencia, and most of all Tony Woods. I always imagined what it would be like to see them perform live for a brief moment.

Those Dreams were immediately shattered as soon as I heard my Aunts Astro Van pull into the driveway. I never realized that even to this day I know absolutely NOTHING about cars. But I can always pick out the sound of an astro vans motor.

When I was 16 my aunt left and took the family to see her sons Lacrosse game. They left me at home. I was upset about the situation and I walked upstairs to the kitchen immediately after I heard the van leave. All I could think was, "If I cut my wrist now, I will be dead long before they even get home. Even then, it would take time for the ambulance to come". The knife was in my hand... I wasn't scared to do it, I was shaking, I was extremely calm and somewhat happy. Happy because this was my way out. For what ever reason, I placed the knife back down, went back into the basement, and watched comedy central.

I was extremely religious when I first arrived to my aunt's house. My nightly prayers started off with "Our fathers", then after some time they changed to "Please don't let coleen be mad at me", and then "Please let coleen die". I started to realize I was a 16 year old child crying for God to let one of his family members die so he wouldn't be hurt anymore. This was the point I figured, there must be no god. The harsh realization that no one was going to help me, and there was no visible light at the end of the tunnel.

When I was in 11th grade, I finally saw that light. I was at lunch, and I saw a recruiter. This had to be my way out. I filled out all the information and told him I was interested. Then my heart sank when he told me I was 17 and he would have to fill out the rest of my documents with my guardian. While at my house, he met the freightened Sean. The one afraid to be home. I believe he saw it in my eyes, because he asked me less questions and started less conversation. My aunt was more than willing to sign.

Understanding what was going on, my recruiter told my aunt that I needed to go to his office after school 3 times a week. I spent those days in his office hanging out, not having to worry if I was doing something wrong. Then at 3am on July 23rd, I walked out of my house for the last time. My aunt told me to go to bed the night before. The next morning, by the door, was a duffle bag with one change of clothes, a bottled water, and a chocolate done. I was free.

I spent 6 years in hell. Help wont always come... sometimes you need to find that light yourself. What has become of scared Sean now? I did 4 years in the army, I got out and received my associates in Computer Technology. Now I do network administration for small companies. On top of that there was a period of time where I had my own online podcast.

Today, aside from my job? I have been doing stand up comedy for a year. I manage the social media of a comedy group. I help produce Refried Comedy Shows in El Paso. I have done guest spots for Tommy Davidson and Darren Carter. I have driven around Christopher "Kid" Reid from Kid N Play, along with many other comedians.

You are probably also wondering if I ever got to meet the comedians I grew up watching... I have hung out with Carlos Mencia, and another night Tony Woods. The one night that I hung out with each of them, I was able to thank them personally for me being alive today. I have not met Dave Attel yet.... but my life isn't over...

Though people may see suicide as a way out... you really need to understand what it is you could quite possibly be missing. I had not idea that I would be hanging out with people I once idolized... If I had taken my own life that night? I would have never found out. You can take control of your life. You are strong for what you go through, its only a matter of time before you really see it



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Comments
Posted By: pinkiejayUser Verified | 5/22/13 8:57 AM
Your story made me tear up. I am so sorry that you lost your mom at such a young age and were made to suffer living in a household that didn't want you there.... I cant imagine what you have gone through and how you coped. How is your relationship with your aunt and uncle now that you are gone and have obviously made a life for yourself? I am so glad you chose not to end your life. You sound like a wonderful person and what you have endured makes you a stronger person. Bless your heart, and please keep us posted on your progress with the stand up comedy.
Posted By: KittyCommandoUser Verified | 5/22/13 9:34 AM
I have spoken to my aunt once since I left. I tried to tell her what Ive done to impress her. I didnt get much from her. It was at that point I realized, why am I trying to gain her approval? I never have to speak to her again. There is no point in focusing on impressing a person who is capable of doing this when all that energy can be spent on people who actually care
Posted By: Star759 | 5/29/13 4:06 PM
Really good story and I am very happy you shared it with the world.
Story Details


Name: Kitty Commando
Age: 35
Twitter: Twitter @kittycommando
Country: United States
Location: Rocky Point, NY
Gender: Male
Zodiac Sign: N/A
Maiden Name: N/A
Relationship Status: Single
Profession: Entertainment
Education level: Associate degree
University: N/A
Ethnicity: Hispanic or Latino
Hair Color: Black
Eye Color: Brown
Height: 5 ft 10 in
Weight: 135
Tattoos: No

Chat: Enter