Taiwan Hall
Bullying Survivor
Male | Hull, England   United Kingdom
Laughed at for attempted suicide.
Bullying Type: Physical / Emotional
Posted By: JetsFanUKUser Verified
5/18/13 10:25 PM
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To say the least, growing up in school, although sometimes good, generally wasn't the most pleasurable of times, as I wrote mildly on a previous article.

I want to explain another story of my life as simply and straight-forward as I can:

I've tried to kill myself before. Many times in fact, trying numerous ways. I don't want to discuss the personal reasons why, often because I have no understanding or answer myself, but everytime I failed to do so only further added to my feeling that I wasn't even capable to finally put an end to it all.

During my final exams in secondary school (middle school) the other kids in my year thought it would be funny to start a rumor that I was going to kill myself. This was just a few short weeks after a fellow 16 year old student (at the time) shot and killed himself, which gained attention in the local news.

The reason for why someone would even want to start a rumor that disregards someones life so lowly, but the worst part was turning up to school everyday with my head down knowing those around me were looking and laying judgment. To make matters worse, people would come up to me asking if I was planning on killing myself. Unfortunately they were not just concerned or worried. In fact, the idea of my death was humorous to them, as they would walk away laughing like the concept of doing that to myself is somehow funny.

Even people who I thought were my friends just mocked me. Telling me I was "probably too stupid to know how to do it anyway".

It was horrible and something that constantly scarred me and even 4 years later I struggle to try and not think about occasionally.

Over the past few years I've fallen to low times in my life leaving me trying to do the same. Despite how right it felt trying to commit suicide, I've always been so ashamed of doing it that I've never told family; who I chose to refrain myself from as much as possible.

At 20 years old I'm still learning who matter the most to me in life and discovering certain ones who claim to care simply don't. After trying to come out/open about my past to "take the monkey off my back" it's been nothing but a deja vu. Those I cared about the most (some were the most meaningful in my life) began to mock me; messaging one another saying 'hahaha he should do it again. killing himself would be funny' and receiving text messages and anonymous Facebook messages telling me to go jump off the local bridge where I live or to go overdose on tablets, I guess to essentially do them a favor.

The one thing I've learned from this is to prioritize yourself and those around you while finding the little pleasures in life that bring you uncanny happiness; such as pushing your own issues aside to help be there to support and reassure others problems and issues; something which is highly self-fulfilling.

I look back and reflect on the past and realise that the words and actions of others will have their own consequences in due time. Just never become someone who has such lack of care towards someone else's well being. I guess people do and say things without thinking about how it would feel to be on the receiving end of it.

If anyone reading this every wants to talk. Please just let me know. I'm all ears.



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Comments
Posted By: LauraC | 5/20/13 5:00 AM
Can we talk?
Posted By: JetsFanUKUser Verified | 5/20/13 2:12 PM
Hey Laura. Of course. If you have some form of contact let me know i'd be more than happy to :)
Posted By: trenches | 5/20/13 11:30 AM
Im someone who would care if you hurt yourself.I was bullied by a group of guys when I was your age and I was always caught up with what they were thinking and why. How could I change to make them like me is something I struggled with but as the years passed it was pointless. The people who dont like me is fine with me now.I dont need everyone to love me now and its very liberating.I know deep down that I mean well and I have love for the people that matter to me so if someone wants to try to bring me down I just laugh and dont allow it to happen.
Story Details


Name: Taiwan Hall
Age: 27
Country: United Kingdom
Location: Hull, England
Gender: Male
Zodiac Sign: Aquarius
Maiden Name: N/A
Relationship Status: N/A
Profession: Other
Education level: N/A
University: N/A
Ethnicity: White or Caucasian
Hair Color: N/A
Eye Color: N/A
Height: 6 ft 1 in
Weight: 150
Tattoos: No

Chat: Enter