This is more of a letter to Chris. This isn't to blast him like some of the other posts. This is my closure since he is not willing to give me closure.
We met almost three years ago, and I immediately fell head over heels for you. I thought I had a future with you. I allowed you and your kids to blend with my family. I was so smitten with you and hid the fact that your ex was harassing me. I tolerated your daughter saying mean things to me that she obviously had heard from her mom. You begged me to stay and I did because I thought things would get better.
Things got better for awhile, but I started noticing odd behavior. Like you always having your phone with you and always texting someone. I made comments about it and you immediately were defensive. I bent over backwards for you...cleaned your house, picked your kids up from daycare and watched your kids when you had to work weekends. I started seeing that it was a take/take situation with you and that it was expected. I also started noticing that the attention you had given me was less and less. Finally, you broke up with me. I never knew until recently that it was all because you were scared. We ended up getting back together, which didn't last long. The Target incident was too much for me. You might as well have left with the woman you couldn't take your eyes off of. This happened three times while we were there. I know you both knew each other. I assume you had dated her or slept with her before by the way you were looking at each other. Things got bad, we broke up.
That summer was a nightmare. You were angry with me but we still saw each other. You were mean and manipulated me to get what you wanted. I was still so in love with you that I thought you'd get over your anger. A bad situation occurred and I will never forgive you for the way you handled it. I needed you and you walked away.
Fast forward some months down the road. You seemed to have gotten over your anger. We started seeing each other again and I can't even count how many times you told me you wanted to work things out with me. We'd start to date, and then you would get angry again because you were living in the past. You were in exclusive relationships with other women and still texted me continuously and saw me. Cheating on them never bothered you. You had an emotional connection with me that you couldn't get with them. You were head over heels for Stacy, but you told me that something was missing with her. She eventually left you for someone else, and you had the nerve to get upset and angry with her...you cheated on her too, so I don't get that. You started seeing that girl from Albany and ended up breaking up with her because you couldn't stop thinking about me.
I started seeing someone else finally and you were irrate when you found out. You texted me when you knew I was with him. I ended up ending things with him because you again wanted to work things out with me. You told no one about me and kept me a secret. You had badmouthed me so much to your friends and family that you were embarrassed that you were back with me. I wasn't perfect, but I never badmouthed you to my friends or family.
Final straw was our last weekend together this past June. It was perfect and we had a lot of fun, especially hiking. You started talking about future dates...hiking and camping...even pricing those mattresses we were talking about getting for when we were going to hike to a camping spot and sleep under the stars. I mistakenly started believing you again...you hadn't talked about future events since we were dating way back in the beginning. I then left for a work trip. I was uneasy about leaving because I knew you always overanalyzed and over thought things when we weren't together. I told you my concerns while I was on that trip. I needed to know that you were committed to me. You wouldn't say you were. I got upset , you got angry again. You came over the day after I got back. Earlier that day, you told me you weren't angry anymore. That was not true because you obviously we're by the way you were physically rough with me and yelling at me. You again told me we were done for good. I needed to be sure we were and did something that I knew would make you never want to come back into my life again.
Throughout the three years, you manipulated and bullied me. You tore down the self-esteem I worked hard to get back after my divorce. You made sure you left me with very little self-confidence. When we met, I was ready for something. You had lied about how long you were divorced for. I thought you were ready for something too. I was in no way perfect over the last few years. However, I blindly believed in you and saw the good in you. I allowed you to walk all over me. I allowed you to be abusive towards me. Your friends and family don't know what all you did to me. Lord knows what you told them. All I've heard is that they hate me. The one thing I asked of you is a true apology and you obviously can't give it to me. Your way of thinking is to just move on with someone else and erase our past. I know it is a control thing with you. You don't like to admit your faults and only point out mine. Even at the end of all of this, you claimed you loved me and missed me. I have a hard time believing that. I built you up when you needed it, and all you've done is knocked me down. It's unfortunate that things had to end this way. I know I deserve better. I know that not all men are like you. I guess our "fairytale" won't ever have the closure that I think we both need in order to forgive and forget. Messing with me by trying to hack my social media accounts is an obvious sign that you haven't forgotten. You have emotionally drained me. I choose to remember some of the good memories we had, including our last weekend together. I'm doing my best to forgive you so that I can be with someone who respects me. If anything, please use us as an example of how not to treat a woman in the future. And don't run when you get scared because had you been open and honest with me when you got scared, this would not have happened. Like I said, I wasn't perfect either, but I can admit my faults and say that I'm truly sorry for the hurt I've caused you.
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