Most of the bullying I went through as a kid literally came from while I was growing up beginning at the age of 6 all the way up to my mid to late teens and it pretty much all came from other people from all walks of life. It could have been anyone from the different and various places I grew up and lived in such as a rough neighborhood, or maybe the group home I lived in at one time, or maybe the local older punks, hoods, and wanna be street gang members who felt it made them look and feel that much more tougher and cooler for sticking it to someone who couldn't really defend for themselves at all. There was always something.
During all of these times I never really have a dad or some type of father figure to come home to and tell what happened or maybe even try to talk to or just simply make me feel like I was wanted. I guess you could say that even though my dad was never really around to actually DO anything to me, he did manage to make me realize later on in life that I at least wish he had been around during some of those rough times. At the same time with everything that was going on, I still had my own mother as well as my little sister to keep in mind. This is probably why I never really said or talked about anything that ever happened to me during my life while growing up simply because I did not want them to get worked up or worried of some of the things I was going through, especially my mother. Life was hard enough on her as it was between raising two children by herself while trying to work and attend school at the same time. I never really said much.
It wasn't until I got a little older that I just simply accepted my life for the way it was. At the same time it didn't really occur to me that it also was not right. Some of the things I went through with bullying from others wasn't really necessary and didn't really contribute to anything. If anything I did come to terms with the simple fact that even at the age of 12 I already had a leg up on kids not only my age, but also older one's, especially the ones who thought they had been through and seen it all. This was due to the fact that by the time I was 13 I had not only come out of a certain type of environment and place setting (a group home in other words) from where I was expected to be more mature as well as even a little more disciplined, but I had also been through some pretty rough situations as well. Some of them were physical and some of them were emotional, all away from the confinements of my own home environment. It was just a very strange time for me to sum it all up and I think this is why I had some difficulties either trying to adapt or just trying to fit in and get accepted once I moved back home. I just wasn't coming from the same place as everyone else and this never really clicked with me until much later on. This coupled with the fact that I never really talked about where I had been living before I moved back home and tried to get back in to a regular social system such as school (Jr. High in this case) really made me feel that much more bottled up. I just kind of kept everything enclosed and hoped that I could just go with the flow and not be noticed, but I was miserable and I really let it show. I let it show in my attitude, some of the people I hung out with and associated with and, so much more.
Well needless to say this led to quite a bit of picking on, making fun of, harassing, getting intimidated to fight and a few other things too, all because I was not only just different but also new to this place I was growing up in at the time.
Eventually I did pull through with the help of my family and I want to say a maybe even God himself. I know somebody up there must have been watching over me. Anyways by the time I was 18 we, my Mom and sister and I, decided to pack up and move to Houston, TX. This was definitely a culture shock to me since I was pretty much born and raised in southern California. I guess being from California also REALLY gave the impression that I very much so needed some constant bullying from other individuals, this time from where I worked. Most of it was simply talking behind one’s back, making up stories, or just simply taunting me and trying to drag me in to a fight. I'd admit it was annoying at times however the only regret I have looking back is really a pretty simple one. Just report it to someone. Don't try and be too brave or too proud simply because you are being pushed in to a corner and have to show how tough you are on your own without anyone else's help. Especially when you have people there who are willing to help you in manners such as this.
Later on it did stop however it's funny looking back at all of this, when I moved out here in my late teens, and after already having gone through so much already, it's almost as if Houston, TX thought it had to get in there little bit of bullying in too. The thing about it though was, and especially looking back at it now, it was so much more comical compared to everything else I went through just as a kid and then as a teenager as well. Of course I came to the conclusion once I got a little older that I guess even in this part of the country, or neck of the woods, you're just going to come across a whole new and different breed of totally absent minded and careless macho men morons who don’t have anything else better to do with their time. So with that being said can I honestly sit here and answer the question “Was TX in general any worse, or better yet even close to it?” The answer is HELL NO! In fact when it comes to this particular question, if I had to give a nice a brief answer as to what I was feeling for those first few couple of years when I moved down here, it would be that I was simply getting caught up in all the drama of a new place to live. Or as I have come to call it “New to Texas Syndrome” And from what I have heard there is still no cure.
Texas I’ll admit is not the worst place to relocate to if you ended up having no choice. I can definitely say on the plus side for myself that I ended up getting my first College degree, a BBA of all things, which I never thought I would have received without the right type of guidance as well as direction, which I most certainly did get. It was just up to me to decide if I really wanted to do it or not and I did, and I’m glad I did. I’m right now in the process of taking courses for my MBA degree program and so far it’s going great.
So to sum it up, has it been a rough ride for me? Yes, you could say that at certain times the road was a bit bumpy, but I managed to pull through. Not only that, I also look back on the experiences in my life and kind of use those as a reminder of not only just how far I have come, but also how much worse I felt at times which in return reminds me simply in certain situations “Hey, this is not as bad as it seems!” and to be honest, it works!
So in closing I just want to say never let yourself be held back or held down by your own doubt, fear, depression or sorrow, or even lack self-confidence because a certain individual or situation is making you feel so. Just keep believing in and reminding yourself that you are the one who is going to make things possible for you and you alone! You control your own thoughts, feelings, and actions not somebody else. I've gotta go, but I hope this was an insightful post for Bullyville.com. Take care!
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