My years of growing up in a loving household, filled will hopes and dreams, were shattered to pieces from the day I was born. All I can remember is being petrified as a child, not only for my own safety, but for my mother's as well. Every moment of every day would depend on my Dad's mood. Most of my time was spent hiding in the back of my closet, going into convulsions as if I were somehow dancing to the destructive sound of violence coming from the next room.
Instead of a hug and a kiss, my morning wake up call consisted of my dad's fist coming through my closet door, similar to Jack Nicholson in the Shining. The crazy part about all of this is I spent my youth years constantly trying to gain his respect. I even went as far as putting him on a pedestal, making him out to be some kind of hero in my undeveloped mind, just to have him beat me down time after time. I can't begin to tell you the countless days of walking home from school, scared to death to walk through the front door. The fear was so overwhelming that I would literally pee my pants.
The real hero was my mother, I can not tell you what an amazing human being she is. Looking back now and realizing how she risked her own safety for my well-being. She was the real war hero, fearlessly putting herself in the line of fire, "diving onto the grenade" so to speak. My dad would use me as leverage against her simply because he knew I was her world. To him, I was his worst mistake. Having my dad doing everything in his power to get me out of the house, even pulling on one arm and my mom trying to stop him by pulling on the other, is a far cry from a fun ride at Disneyland. My entire life since, I have lived with being mentally and physically abused. I have lived with abandonment issues. I have spent my whole life never shedding a tear due to me accidentally falling down the steps one Christmas morning. When I was about 3 years old, I tumbled down the stairs into the the room where my dad sat in front of the fireplace and started to cry.
Stockings hung from the mantel and lights shown bright through the greenery. My dad stood up from the couch and sternly commanded that men don't cry. He said, "You wanna be a little cry baby, I'll give you something to cry about." as he beat me. Then, I would have to go to school and try to hide the perfect hand shaped welts on my body. After all of that, I would still sit up waiting by the window like a beaten puppy, waiting for him to come home every night. That is, until the night he never came home again. I became the head of the household, way to young for anyone in life. I grew up in the middle of nowhere a tiny little town called Fairbury without a TV in my house so, I am living proof that anyone can over come anything in life and still reach your dreams. Somehow I was able to bottle all of my anger and use it for my motivation. Motivation to do what ever I had to do to turn out nothing like my dad. Do I hate him for what he did to us? No, I have forgiven him, but I will always live through his mistakes and continue to become a better person.
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Posted By: Evita |
4/16/12 4:37 PM
Dj, I am speechless right now after reading your story. It's hard to imagine people can do things like that. But some do. I am sorry you had to go thru what you've gone thru in your childhood. I can't begin to imagine what it was like.
Seeing the person you are today, positive, inspiring, telling people to believe in who they are and in their dreams, yes, you've come a long way. It's probably the most meaningful reason to admire you. You could have crawl up and die. But you stood up and created something out of all this madness. You are creating beauty in everything you are doing, even tho you have all these bad memories to live with.
Forgiveness is powerful and it relieves the one who gives it. I'm glad you could forgive. For sure you must feel better than if you would hate.
Thank you for sharing your story. It will hopefully be inspiring to people who read it who are going thru a similar situation, or know someone who does.
Sending you much love and hugs.
Posted By: amberlyon |
4/16/12 4:50 PM
This explains the tweet about bullying. No one should have to live through that. Thank God for your mom. I hope your story inspires others to take the situation they went through, or are going through, and turn it into something positive. I don't know if you ever plan to have kids of your own, but if you do, I can see you breaking this cycle and being a kind and caring dad who is there for his kid no matter what happens.
Posted By: Mystika |
4/16/12 5:53 PM
Brakes my heart whenever I hear about things like this. It takes a lot of courage to talk openly about a subject like this and even tho' a part of it will never leave you grew to be so lovely and loved and so well suceed. Thank you for sharing your story with us. You certainly are inspiring to me! And I am proud to be your fan, no matter what.
*Love and respect *
Posted By: Judy99 |
4/17/12 9:10 AM
Dj I sit here totally heartbroken for what you had to go thru. I am so sorry that someone so truly beautiful both inside and out had to go thru something so ugly and sad. Abuse takes so many ugly forms, we're like the walking wounded nobody sees. The man you are today is a tribute to your wonderful mom and the true beauty that is your soul. Much love to you today and always!
Posted By: Nancy |
4/17/12 8:43 AM
My heart breaks whenever I hear a story like yours. I was so fortunate to grow up in a loving and safe home. As a child I befriended any person who was from an abusive home, and welcomed them to my home so they could experience a family meal, fun and games, and happy surroundings. All throughout junior high, and high school, my friends and I always protected the kids that were being picked on. Many of these kids are still my friends some 25+ years later. Congrats to you for being strong and growing up to be the man you are today! Wishing you all the happiness in the world!
Posted By: DeeSTL |
4/17/12 9:01 AM
my daughter was bullied in Jr High school. we constantly were going to the office & her to the counselor's office to complain about the girls tripping her, knocking her books out of her hands, spitting on her, the school did NOTHING. after about a month, the girls knocked her down & my daughter hit her head on the pavement, causing temporal lobe damage to her brain & she will have to take anti seizure meds the rest of her life. She has gone on to persue her dreams & is currently attending college in Japan & studying Japanese culture/language. I rally very hard against our school board & their LACK of enforcing anti-bully rules in our schools. It is EXTREMELY traumatic to have to deal with growing up (and yes I had to deal with it to as a kid). I am happy to see so many stepping up & standing UP! thank you!
Posted By: thisisagoodname |
4/17/12 9:04 AM
While there is no excuse for child abuse, sometimes back in the day people suffered from mental illnesses, or anger issues, or depression and there just wasn't the help that there is now. Maybe he didn't know how to handle things and did them all in the wrong way that affected you and your family so deeply and by him leaving it may have been him just not knowing how to stop being violent and that was his way of making the change to stop. Sometimes people grow up bieng abused and back then they didn't know how to be different. Sometimes I've seen in life that we really have to live in other peoples shoes to truly heal and forgive. Now a days we are so lucky to have the internet to reach out and get the help we need. Good luck with you recovery.
Posted By: LuchyRose |
4/17/12 9:06 AM
Babe i just send you a message from facebook! i hope you read it! i just can understand this people... how sick they are to hurt little guys like us? im a mother now, and i dont know how my reactions would be i someone tri to bully my boy! i send you all my love, and big hug! i love you!
Posted By: Roknbox |
4/17/12 9:29 AM
Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry that you had to deal with that and admire your courage to share this with us. I too came from a violent childhood of arguing//screaming on a nightly basis. So scary as a little kid and sad too. I use to hide in my closet with my radio so I wouldn't hear the screaming. I think that's why I'm such a huge music freak. Thank you again - you are a hero also. Lesly www.rockinthebox.net/
Posted By: Rosie |
4/17/12 9:42 AM
This is insane!
I know the feeling, though my experience was always verbal abuse..
It's still hard to overcome. I think I just fell more in love with you.. haha
You are a hero too.
Cuz you've done all you can do, and succeeded.
I look up to you, and who you've become.
Posted By: carribeth |
4/17/12 9:45 AM
As a mother I cried reading your story. I also got angry. Mostly, I was again struck by how the very
brightest light always shines from those who have had to overcome the most. Thank
you for having the courage to share this, it couldn't have been easy but it will
certainly help many.
Posted By: jessymoncelli |
4/17/12 10:18 AM
It's also for your courage,your authenticity,your will to win that we love you DJ! YOU deserve & YOU have our love, our admiration and our respect,forever!It's so unbearable to think that somebody as you DJ who brings so much happiness around him can have,one day,undergone such a cruelty!Much love!!!
Posted By: LULAASHBA |
4/17/12 10:38 AM
My love, you don't know how much am to hear that you had a childhood so hard, the truth that to see you so strong and sensitive at the same time I never it had imagined.
I believe q one when it is Guy always has the parents as heroes and don't realize the big mistake is to put them in that place when they do not deserve.
Unfortunately there are many kids who spend the same as you've spent, and there are many women like your mother defending her children with tooth and nail without caring which put at risk its own life; It is that breasts are like lionesses take care of our puppies is.
Good bag of everything what happened to you is that you're going to be a great father, I hope you never levantarías hand your kids or your wife. I believe q are going to strive to be the best Dad in the world, and more that father gonna be best friends with your children.
As I always say when you write hope you know sorry my English it is not good, it is.
I love you dearly and would like to thank you for trusting us this part of your story
Posted By: JEREMY |
4/17/12 10:45 AM
DJ I WENT THROUGH SOMETHING SIMULAR . I REMEMBER LOOKING UP AT MY FATHER SAYING I LOVE YOU DAD AND HIM PUNCHING ME RIGHT IN THE NOSE AND LAUGHING . I GOT LUCKEY HE LEFT US WHEN I WAS YOUNG BUT OTHER ABUSERS CAME RIGHT AFTER .MAN I COULD WRIGHT A BOOK .MY FATHER LEFT US ,ONE MORNING HE STOPED BY MY GRANDMALS HOUSE TO DROP ME OFF AND AS I GOT OUT HE SAID SON I WONT B SEING YOU FOR AWILE .LITTLE DID I KNOW HE WAS LEAVING US ,MY MOTHER WAS IN THE HOSPITAL GIVING BIRTH TO MY BABY BROTHER HE RAN OFF WITH MY MOMS BEST FRIEND WITCH WAS MY BABYSITTER .BETWEEN THAT AND ALL OF HER BOYFRIENDS ABUSE AND MY FAMILY MOLESTING ME I THINK IVE BEEN THROUGH JUST ABOUT EVERY FORM OF ABUSE THAT EXISIST . BUT WHEN I WAS GROWING OLDER I STARTED TACKING UP FOR OTHER PEOPLE THAT WERE GETTING BULLIED .I CAN REMEMBER TAKING UP FOR THIS SMALLER KID ON THE BUS ,I PUT I WOOPING ON THIS OTHER KID ,ENDED UP GETTING KICKED OFF OF THE BUS FOR THREE DAYS AND MY MOTHERS BOYFRIEND WAS PISSED CAUSE HE HAD TO DRIVE ME TO SCHOOL FOR THREE DAYS .SO HE SHAVED ME BALD ,ITS A DAMED IF YA DO DAMED IF YA DONT SENARIO.LOL ,... I HAVE BECOME THIS STRONG PERSON MENTALY AND A KIND PERSON IVE NEVER REPEATED THE THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO ME SO I WON .I BEAT ALL OF THEM AND FOR THAT I AM TRULY GREATFUL ...I WISH I COULD MEET YOU AND HANG OUT WOULD LOVE TO HAVE SOMEONE LIKE YOU AS A FRIEND .I DID MEET YOU IN CHICAGO AT ONE OF YOUR SHOWS YOU SAID HI TO ME AND I HEARD YOU EVAN OVER ALL THE MUSIC YALL WERE AWSOME I HOPE YOUR LIFE IS FULL OF JOY AND HAPPINESS AND YOU OVER COME ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU ,AGAIN WISH YOU WERE MY FRIEND I REALLY NEED ONE YOU AND AXL .YALL SEEM DOWN TO EARTH AND YOUR HOOSIERS LOL HOOSIER DADDY LOL PEACE
Posted By: Angie |
4/17/12 12:23 PM
I had a hard get spoiled chilhood, I would never want to go back to that time, my mom and grandparents spoiled me and my sisters, and my dad wasn't around alot, but when he was we butted heads and fought somtimes physical. Going to a catholic school, should of been a good experiencem but those kids were so mean and made me feel so ugly and unlikable it was really hard to belive that we spent 3 days in church, I hated the experience so much that when I had kids and now they are grown up except one who is in those woderful teenage years, I would never send them to a catholic school, I didn't even raise them catholic, even though I practice my faith, I taught them what I beleive but I would never subject then to the mean people who go to those schools. I feel like I am stuck as an ugly person, and I am so mad that I let them have so much power over me, even after all of these years have gone by.
Posted By: rockstarzRus |
4/17/12 12:28 PM
Sometimes kids that have to live in the ominous shadow of a disfunctional parent, instinctly grow toward the light to escape it, like a plant seeking the sun so it can thrive, rather than shrink away, shrivel and die, letting it destroy their lives.
You are, thankfully, one of those people. Much repect Ashba.
Posted By: Michelle |
4/17/12 3:19 PM
I' m so sorry DJ. I know where you come from in that world. I got it at home and at school. But you seem it be a strong person. I decided to turn to dr*gs to escape. I hated alcohol. But i thank thank God that what went through did make me the person that I am today. I don't ever wish this on anyone. I have three kids and I would never raise a hand like that ever and I haven't.
Posted By: RoxanneVenezuela |
4/17/12 1:28 PM
i just want to tell you how proud i am feeling of being your fan..this is something so hard to tell, cause you had to relived in your mind all that happened in the past, but telling you this, and this step into the front show us how you could forgive and turn it all into a positive experience, that doesnt refrain you for do the best in your life, that everybody can make a decisition and be better and mae the dreams come true no matter what... that makes u strongest, and thats the only choice all the bullied ppl has to make... i remember when i was a little girl i wanted to die i always was sad or all the things i told you in my inbox... thats for sure affects you in anothers fields of your life but once you recognize it you can choose if you want to let they make u better person... Im so sorry u go trough this... but i feel happiness just imaging how proud your mom is feeling about you today!!! ...i m so honored to be your fan, and to know so much about you from YOU, i always told you dont ever change and i know you wont cause you are a truly special role model, im so alivied that we r not alone we can all help other ppl who suffer the same thing and we can payback with love! and as i said b4 your strenght is admirable!!!! much love xxx
Posted By: KerLvnROCK |
4/17/12 2:50 PM
DJA~~ I am so sorry for what you had to endure. Noone ever deserves any of that, you being able to share your story with the world shows that you grew to be an amazing and very strong man. That is amazing that you have forgiven him. That is one of the biggest things that is so hard to do.. but you can forgive but you can never forget. Bullying/Abuse in any way, shape or form should not be tolerated and the awareness needs to be raised all over the world. Thank you for sharing your story , I am sure that it will give people strength and courage to share their stories and to reach out for help. You are an amazing person.. ~Ker
Posted By: Egan568 |
4/18/12 12:55 AM
This story really is heartbreaking DJ. I went through a pretty troublesome childhood myself, mostly in my teens and a lot of it had to do with my father as well. The only difference between my story and yours would be the simple fact that my father was never around. I sometimes think which is worse. Not having a father around at all while you are stuck trying to not only figure out the finer points in life while you are left to defend for yourself, but also the hardships your family can endure at the same time or one that is around but treats you like you are nothing at all? It really is something I have thought about.
Most of the bullying I went through as a kid literally came from while I was growing up beginning at the age of 6 all the way up to my mid to late teens. It pretty much all came from other people. It could have been anyone from the different and various places I grew up and lived in such as a rough neighborhood, or maybe the group home I lived in at one time, or maybe the local older punks, hoods, and wanna be street gang members who felt they made themselves look and feel that much more tougher and cooler for sticking it to someone who couldn't really defend for themselves at all. There was always something.
But during all of these times, did I ever really have a dad or some type of father figure to come home to and tell what happened or maybe even try to talk about with or just simply make me feel like I was wanted by him when I needed it? Well the answer in this case would have been no. So I guess you could say that even though my dad was never really around to actually DO anything to me, he did manage to make me realize later on in life that I at least wish he had been during some of those rough times. Mind you also I still had my own mother as well as my little sister to keep in mind which is probably why I never really said or talked about anything that ever happened to me during my life while growing up simply because I did not want them to get worked up or worried of some of the things I was going through, especially my mother. Life was hard enough on her as it was raising two children by herself while trying to work and going to school in between. I never really said much.
However with that being said I think that hearing this story from someone like you who has gone on to accomplish so much and who has already gained so much success, it can also serve to be a motivational story, meaning that in other words yes! You can still succeed as well as still overcome not just so much the obstacles in life we face in our everyday lives, but also the hardships as well as abuse so many of us have endured stretching back to our earliest childhood memories. I just wanted to say thanx for sharing this really in depth piece of your life with us the way you did. It really means a lot and I think you did the right thing by doing so!
Posted By: JohnJr |
4/18/12 3:37 PM
Dear Dj Ashba, having somewhat the same experiences as you describe here, I thank you for being open and honest in an online world where everybody has a so called opinion. The songs that you and Axl and the rest played in Holland on october 3rd in 2010 finally put the last pieces in order and gave me the thought of forgiving, or at least starting to forgive one of my parents. Also the voice and lyrics of your bandmember Axl Rose have helped me and my sister through the years. I hope that Axl and you will be able to write powerfull songs with the band in honesty about this, so other people can find piece of mind also, without some stupid Dr. Phil-wannabe talking BS on tv ;- ) Thank you so Much and Thank Axl for songs as Locomotive, Patience and Coma plus estranged !!
Posted By: MrsHazzardCounty |
4/21/12 5:10 PM
This made me cry. Dj, you are one of my absolute fave celebs, and to learn this... well your strength makes me admire you even more. I am so sorry this had happened to you. There is no excuse for child abuse. Its one of the things I have no tolerance for.
And you are a strong person, and it amazes me how people can learn from any situation no matter how bad. I really admire you, Dj. :)
Posted By: MissHazzardCounty |
4/21/12 5:20 PM
Your story made me cry, but also feel inspired. You are proof that ANYONE from ANY situation can overcome. You inspire me Dj.
Posted By: tessness |
4/23/12 2:24 AM
This is a very sad start in life. Mine was similar and I feel for you. Though I know these memories will never leave you the forgiveness you have attained is great. You are absolutely more human than your father. Something was very wrong with him and it sure wasn't you. I hope you always know that and have inner peace.
Posted By: vansam |
4/23/12 5:38 AM
forgive and then forgive again nobody should get to live rent free in your head some people don"t know what a blessing it is to have a child your father was one of those people and just in case no one told you today i love you
Posted By: momoftgkc |
4/23/12 11:10 AM
Dj I can relate to your growing up. I was taken out of my birth home due to abuse and then put in foster homes where I was also abused and neglected. That's all they told my adoptive parents. THat's enough for me anyway. It hurts deeply yet. I have a mental disorder because of this upbringing today. Take care sweetheart luv ya, Jen
Posted By: MsDrea |
4/26/12 7:23 AM
Thank you! Thats all I can say. <3
Posted By: Mariah101 |
5/11/12 3:32 PM
you really opened my eyes and spoke to me in spirit words that made me feel so wanted and not alone.your story help me get through so much i can't even begin to thank you for everything and thanks to you i'm still alive.
Posted By: dacotah666 |
5/23/12 6:04 AM
That sounds oddly familiar... thats kinda how my childhood was except my mom took off on me and my dad was like that but my step mom acted like she was the greatest mom in the world, even though she was exactly like my dad!
Posted By: OCfan |
6/14/12 3:25 PM
I'm "gutted". Trying to get the lump out of my throat.....
Be*ten puppy no more.
Your one of the most beautiful "gems" I have had the pleasure to meet.
Posted By: ASHBA |
6/18/12 11:59 AM
I just wanted to personally thank each n' everyone of you for all the love and support that you have given me in regards to my Childhood Story. I can never thank you all enough! Much love~
Posted By: MissJingles |
6/19/12 11:39 AM
Much love to you too, DJ! I wrote my thoughts about that on Google + and on Twitter.
When I read the words "To him, I was his worst mistake" tears honestly rolled down my face. I know how it feels to hear those words. DJ to me and all the other people who loves you, you are a gift.
Posted By: Hthr1 |
6/19/12 12:36 PM
Thank you for sharing such a personal part of yourself. The courage you've shown has helped more people than you will ever know. You truly are an inspiration to us. I cannot put into words how proud I am to call myself your fan and to be a supporter. Thank you again.
Posted By: Thegirl |
8/01/12 12:55 AM
Dj I must tell you something. Your story helped me so much.. I shared my life story in a public way, I found a strength that I didn't knew I had, I faced my biggest fears... I feel better... Now I shared other aspects of my life here that were also so difficult for me and I am still learning and trying to go on, is still hard but I am trying 'cause I still believe... I wanted to thank you because your words always motivate me. I wish you the best and I want to tell you that you are a strong and wonderful person.
Posted By: OCfan |
8/01/12 6:27 PM
I got an email today from bullyville as I was sitting looking at pictures of my childhood that my oldest brother had found. He had warned me of the "pain" it might cause of memories good and ugly. I thought that maybe it was a "sign" for me to write a little to get some out. I'm not strong enough to write out my abuse but I do know that yes even tho I've grown and done so well for myself I still can't really go for what I want, what I need. Your acknowledgement and kindness towards me reminds me I can, slowly...............................thank u
Posted By: Kateville |
8/16/12 3:31 AM
Want a sad but inspirational story, I wish i knew how to inspire and motivate my children who have been left shy scared and vulnerable,due to my bad choice of husband, I know they feel anger deep down, but after being bullied themselves for being scared and withdrawn how can I give them the motivation they need to face life, my beautiful daughters have no confidence or self esteem, I tell them daily that they are beautiful and can do anything in life if they go out there and take the bull by the horns, but coming from a scared and hurt Mother it really has no effect, hopefully through the help of Bullyville and stories like yours, my efforts will pay off. Thank you for your inspirational story and for having the courage to speak about it. Kate. Manchester England
Posted By: mamg2wes |
9/03/12 1:56 PM
I read DJs story a few years ago and have followed him since, we have a similar back ground...I told bottle things up and move on, but no motivation to be such a terrific artist..May God bless you for all you do.
haha...ps...I'm so in love with those eyes of his!!
Posted By: Stingrae |
10/04/12 2:01 PM
I am 34 and I too come from thiis type of home. Memories of a paddle that had holes drilled into it, the snapping of his belt as he would wait for us to come out of hiding. I was terrified of my father my sister and I would fight to sit behind him in the car so he couldnt reach behind and hit us. I recall two black eyes, bruises, whelps and hiding under the bed. His voice echos come out now or your going to get hit evern harder. It was emotinal, physical and verbal. I do blame him for my mothers diving insanity eventhough he cheated on her and they have both moved on. I am glad to see that you have broken from the bondage and have found the desire to be nothing like your father. Many of us fall into the rut of becoming them and doing unto our children what they did us. My daughter is 15 and she is my princess I cherish her and I am so madly in love with her. I make sure to tell her I love her, I kiss her I hug her. We have our own little thing we do where I will squeeze her 3 times to say I LOVE U. No one can hear its our code. I like you do not hate my father he has made me who I am, a loving, giving and stronger person. All the pain was worth it as the end result was self gain. The only emotion I carry is sorrow for him as sadly he has not forgiven himself and is a drunk. Still yet I carry his name proudly and dont ever think I will give it up. The only thing that still haunts me to this day is that on occation I still as an adult find myself rocking myself.
Posted By: leeII |
10/18/12 10:06 AM
you are an example of people admire you more each day
Posted By: PawPrint |
11/20/12 11:30 AM
YOU ROCK DJ!!
Posted By: BonitaAna |
1/10/13 1:52 PM
So many people look up to you Dj so keep doing what you are doing and provoke positive change
Posted By: ElectricPink |
11/28/12 4:47 PM
Posted By: Kimberly1972 |
12/01/12 6:09 PM
I was so sad to read this, yet so inspired that you were able to find forgiveness somehow. That is ultimately best for your own well-being and mental health. My sister and I took my son to the concert in LV last week because my soon to be ex-husband bullied him. My son is my world and I left a four year marriage without the blink of an eye because he threatened to hurt my son. Not only did my son (and I) enjoy the concert, but he read your story and he said that you are his new mentor. He thanks you for the pick you threw. He caught it! Best of healing with the attachment issues. I am an Attachment Theory researcher who helped revise the Developing Mind, 2nd ed. It is a wonderful book, evidencing that healing is possible and healthy neural pathways can develop!
Posted By: Cubano |
12/10/12 3:19 PM
I really think DJ has been a great addition for GunsNRoses because he is very humble and takes a lot of time to reach out and connect with his fans
Posted By: Loubell |
1/11/13 11:11 AM
this makes me sad. but im happy that your strong about this. really happy.
Posted By: yodannysams |
1/24/13 8:57 AM
keep up the good work.
Posted By: dragonking |
1/25/13 11:18 AM
You are great for getting through your dark times and becoming such a success
Posted By: izamarques |
1/25/13 9:49 PM
Dj I couldn't beleve in your story till I read here! You're an example of overcoming and total dedication to dreams! But you get! And God will continue blessing you cause you deserve!!
Posted By: Rusty |
2/14/13 2:03 PM
You are in my favortite band of all time! Great work being a part of something so positive
Posted By: USAdoll |
2/21/13 2:42 PM
You father was a monster. Your mother was a saint. You are an inspiration. Thank you for never giving up.
Posted By: ProudMom |
2/22/13 5:52 AM
One of the most inspirational stories I've read in a long time. You have grown to realize that children are never responsible for their parents behavior, and that even the worst of circumstances can be turned around. You had a choice: you could allow the cycle of abuse to continue, or you could be determined to be nothing like your father. You made a wise choice, and have become a successful, talented, caring person. That says much about you - and your mom. One of the most important things I hope you've come to realize is that, not having your father in your life is not YOUR loss. It is HIS - and it is the biggest loss he will ever know in his life. He was given the gift of a family and he didn't appreciate that gift. Yes, the loss is most definitely his. Thank you for sharing your story. Do you realize that you've probably saved lives by sharing your message? Imagine how many people have read this and thought to themselves that if you, a successful & famous guitarist, can speak up then they can, too. Because of you they can feel compelled to tell someone if they are being abused and/or bullied and receive help and find a safe place. You have every right to be very proud of yourself for sharing your story and helping others realize they are not alone, and that there is help out there. I wish for you happiness and success being your wildest dreams - you more than deserve it.
Posted By: Kissss |
3/18/13 11:46 AM
Great story! You should never forget where you came from or you forget what makes you so unique
Posted By: resolve |
3/27/13 11:44 AM
Your mother is a hero and thank goodness she was there to protect you when she could. Thank you for giving us some insight on what makes you tick.It helps a lot!
Posted By: mariananakfour |
4/02/13 6:28 AM
djashba,i am speechless!u know when i saw u backstage in the concert in beirut/lebanon i felt that you are a very good person,shy but caring!!and i hugged you so tightly and kissed u it was like hugging an innocent baby!i haven't forgotten u and never will because you are a courageous person and amazing person and very talented ! good luck in your life !! much love
Posted By: Terrible22 |
4/04/13 1:36 PM
Love your music and your story!
Posted By: Toggle |
4/08/13 12:57 PM
This is very cool for a guy who doesnt need this kind of attention but knows it will help kids that were just like him
Posted By: UnMe2gether |
4/09/13 2:49 PM
Only a real men can admit to a troubled past but thats why you are a success because you arent afraid of it you embrace it and let it push you to become great.
Posted By: Mum4all |
4/12/13 12:55 PM
Love the hair mate ROCKOUT!
Posted By: Aisle7 |
4/15/13 12:59 PM
Sad story. Nobody should ever have to live the way you did
Posted By: PetaSupport87 |
4/18/13 2:53 PM
Both Dj and Axl know what its like to be bullied and they still are making great music!#sweeet
Posted By: nobody1 |
5/03/13 4:54 PM
I first found you as a guitar hero of mine. Then I saw this post . I RESPECT you even more for sharing your story. It gives me hope for humanity .
Posted By: amyk99 |
5/23/13 1:38 AM
Fear, sadness, anger, respect, inspiration, love..... Damn Dj. I experienced so many emotion while reading your story. Dude, you made me cry. xxoo
Posted By: Darlene1234567 |
5/23/13 2:10 AM
You must be a very strong person to have ended up where you are from what you went through. I had a milder version of what you went through; violent spankings from the time I was about 3 for things like forgetting to take the garbage out; not sitting still in church, etc; and harsh emotional abuse I can imagine the violence you went through. You cam through it so well but still I am sure you have deep scars. Wow. was emotional to read. Good for you for turning out so well after that.
Posted By: Miranda |
5/23/13 2:41 AM
The strength we carry is quite mazing when you think about it. Other people can hurt you so bad they think they gained the upper hand in your life. I have fallen victim to this many time in my life, I just push it back and become stronger. Motivation and self love help us grow in a world so full of hate and fear, so very much so that it becomes natural to bounce back harder and prove others who hurt you that the effects don't damage you anymore. Thank you Dj ASHBA for sharing your story with so many others that needed to read it. I have been raped, emotionally and psychically abused by others since my childhood, I equally learned through music and singing I can bounce back stronger and use the experience as fuel for the fire within. Dj, you are a blessing
Posted By: CityGirl |
5/23/13 4:23 AM
Hi Dj... You are beautiful! Your story sadly is too familiar. For me, I was the lil girl they didn't want, they expected a boy. And I was the second child they weren't ready for. As I grew up and now that I look back at pictures, I can see the neglect. I remember how I wanted to have pretty long hair like the other girls, but they always cut mine short. I hated that so much. Finally when I got into middle school, I started to rebel. Actually, that's when I started listening to Motley Crue. Changed My world. Also changed the way they treated me. I can remember being dragged out of the mall by my hair only to get thrown in the car and be slammed in the nose by my dad who took his watch and put it in the palm of his hand then slammed that into my face. Or the time when the whole family (mom, dad & sister) all got in on it- tore all of my Motley Crue posters off of my wall, then beat me, all 3 of them with a belt and a wire hangar. I ran away that night. Didn't last long though. I was back home in a few days and all was forgiven. I really hated them inside but could not stop trying to get their askapproval. I moved out when I was 16. This was in 1986. To this day, the relationship is still horrible. I have tried many many times to mend it but it is always me that trys. I have and always will be the black sheep. Even just a few weeks ago, I found my mom and sister on fb. I friend requested them. No response. I dont know why I keep trying.... Why I forget who they really are. What they did. Why is it so important to keep trying? I can't figure this out... It's caused problems for me in my relationship. they just don't care about me or my life. But I still feel like I need to try... Why do I do this? I'm sorry to hear about your life and what you've been through. Can you only imagine how many kids are out there right now are going through this, or worse? Thanks for you story Dj, you allowed me to tell mine:)
Posted By: IzzyNeil |
5/23/13 10:16 AM
My story is very similar to yours, Dj.
When I was born, I was born into a loving household. That changed when my father began drinking. He would get drunk almost every night and he was one of those abusive drinkers. He would always yell and scream at me and my mother. I spent most of my time up in the attic where I felt was the safest place I could be since I could lock myself in from the inside. One day, though, I didn't know he had drank, so I came over to him for attention and climbed up on his lap. He picked me up and threw me across the room and broke my collar bone. After that, I never came to him for attention. And now, at the age of 15, my parents are always fighting. I've hid in so many places you wouldn't believe. The bathtub, closets, under the bed, etc. And you know what it's all about? Me. Custody of me. But you know who's music has helped me calm down when all of this happens? Yours and Rammstein's. I could blast those albums that I have all day until they tell be to cut it off. So thank you.
Posted By: 0192837465 |
5/23/13 4:12 PM
this is when we thought that our life is not perfect...and we don't think that there is so many people trying to survive, overcome bad days, "bad dads", bad moments... like i always said...we have to do what we can, when we can and while we can..cos' if we just stay and look what happens nothing is gonna change.we need to MAKE our own way..dream with better days...so many kids suffering at school, at home..they don't have a chance to talk about it cos they think they're alone... that happen to me once, and never more...we are not weak, we are not a cry baby, we are not fat, ugly, nerd, we are human..and no one have the right to tell us what we are...and i'm proud cos in this cruel world are people like DJ ASHBA and others who have the courage to talk about it and show to the world that nothing is easy in this life but that doesn't mean that we have to give up...WE HAVE TO FIGHT FOR OUR DREAMS...AND CONQUER THE WORLD... and for those who reading...just...be strong...don't be afraid... much love for all of you...
Posted By: Kitten |
5/23/13 11:41 PM
So proud to be Dj.Ashba fan n friend.Reading your story,i'm so speechless.You have beautiful heart,n beautiful from in side n out.I'm truly sorry you hard childhood.Really breaks my heart.Thank god your sharing your story with all of us,who loves you n believe in you.I read your story long time.Sorry took me long time to say something in here.I though i had.No one should go threw bullying.Lets all come together,stop the bad stuff.God bless you my friend.I hope one day soon i'll get to meet you in person n hung out.Your true person,that's what i love about you.Your true friend n fan Aline Yates on twitter,Aline Faghali on facebook.:)<3 u my friend.xo
Posted By: collemichy27 |
5/30/13 11:33 AM
Jesus , i'm speechless !! it's a horrible story , i'm so sorry for you but also i'm proud to be your fan ! you're Amazing person !!! i've never knew a person like you i think you're special !!! much love and a big big hug !!!!
Posted By: seasonV |
5/31/13 9:50 AM
Very happy to hear you got your happy ending because you deserve it!
Posted By: Melyguera |
6/03/13 10:26 AM
you are awesome!!!! i love u and ur a great musician. love love love ur music! u have touched my heart with ur story.
Posted By: ParadisePoint |
6/03/13 2:21 PM
I wonder if his dad tries to contact him now for moeny
Posted By: dersh21 |
6/11/13 8:55 PM
DJ you are a true survivor , what you lived with is horrific . As for your mother you are absolutely right ... She is a hero . Nobody deserves to be treated this way and to come out the other end a success in all you do is amazing . As far as I'm concerned DJ real men DO cry and there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of in doing so .
Posted By: Missy |
7/04/13 4:51 PM
Dj, I was speechless after reading this. I'm very glad that you have over come everything from your childhood.
Posted By: babygail |
7/08/13 5:41 PM
All I can say is you could go to school to get a away from the hitting .
i am glad you had your mom . I sorry you had to go thouth that . but it bib stop . I think you help a lot of polp like me to say it is not ok to have some one to hit them.
Posted By: eyetrustu21 |
7/25/13 9:13 PM
a inspirational story ... dj its so hard how to handle that story you had, thanks for a story now i realized how much pain you feel..
I salute You DJ
Posted By: PieQueenSouth |
8/13/13 1:53 PM
Congrats on the engagement you are a lucky man.
Posted By: OldBikr |
9/27/13 1:05 PM
Rough **** man. Can't say nothing else.
Glad you are having successes and hopefully some real fun too.
Posted By: 8265591TW |
8/23/14 2:30 PM
DJ U R MY GREATEST INSPIRATION! I was abused by my stepfather and all my boyfriends and husbands! I have a dream to get back on stage as a stand up comedian and acting. I had given up all hope after a husband held me hostage and tried to kill our baby I was pregnant with! After learning about you I believe in my dream again! Forever grateful! And Dementented!